Well now it has been a while hasnt it?
I have blogged so many times in my head. Beginning lines as follows: ( well the ones I remember)
You know you are a mom when you can fall asleep while getting an MRI
Its impossible to not feel alive when you have a biting wind freezing your face ( and the rest of your body) off
I would like to being chronologically because thats how I roll. The fact that Im not, is actually driving me crazy and as I write this I am having an internal battle about it.
Maybe I will just write a couple of blogs. To keep you, the reader, from losing interest and therefore really wasting my time and yours.
Lately I have been having some emotional issues regarding a decision we made. Its not super personal or anything I just don't want to throw out any fodder for gossip, and frankly the issue isn't what I want to draw attention to. The issue is the catalyst for what I want to share.
Explanation:
This issue came to a head on new years eve of all times. I began to question a decision we made. Did God REALLY tell us to do this? The smart part of me answered almost immediately, "Yes Christina, you know its true. Look at all the circumstances that screamed yes to you" -and for me, God speaks largely with circumstances and his word. ANyhow. I went to bed ( passed out actually sort of but thats another story for another blog) and the next morning woke up at the CRACK of DAWN ( thanks baby E) feeling downcast and lonely and emotional.
As always, I began to browse my facebook newsfeed in an exhausted stupor while baby E proceeded to play with an unfair amount of energy. I came across a friend's post from the bible gateway verse of the day:
Isaiah 43:18-19
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.
I read it and started to cry. I recalled having read this verse at another point in my life - couldn't remember when though. Whenever a verse touches me at a desperate time in my life ( or happy time) I write teh date down beside it. Never the circumstance, just the date. Anyway, today I finally went and looked it up in my paper bible and see that I marked it ten years ago. Around that time I was ridiculously depressed and having a hard time with my parents seperation and the crap that went along with that. I was very angry and frustrated and that verse helped me hold on in that moment. It took a while but God definitely did a new thing and changed the situation 180 degrees. To me this has said that while things are difficult and it feels sometimes like nothing is happening....it may take 5, 10, 20 years but something IS going on. In this case I dont think it will take that long. Im already starting to see more proof that the decision we made ( and when I say that I mean to follow what God asked us to do and to trust him) was correct. Its so hard sometimes for me to trust God - but not just trust that he is in control, but to trust that he actually has good things planned for me. ( I have no problem believing he has good things for my family...just me) The past year has been so interesting to me. Either God has been showering me with goodness or I'm just finally able to see all the good things he has provided. Maybe its both?
and now.....I will attempt to blog about our crazy christmas and etc. ......
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